Usually the problem with the copywriting isn't an error, so much as "it just sounds
really awkward, a native speaker wouldn't say that."
通常文案的问题不是错误,而是“听起来很尴尬,母语人士不会这么说”。
在SEVENS,我们会由母语是英语的文案帮助我们的客户为他们的网站、产品、广告、
视频等创建专业的、听起来自然的本土化语言。
The following are some examples of how we have helped previous clients:
Product Inspiration
Original
Heat dissipation -- unique sandwich heat dissipation module, multi-layer circuit design and modular heat dissipation design, to achieve rapid internal heat dissipation and ensure continuous power output
Problems:
Unclear heading
Capitalization ("unique")
Awkward word ("sandwich")
Repeated words ("dissipation" x4)
Awkward phrasing
SEVENS
Superior Heat Dissipation
Our unique modular heat dissipation design and multi-layered circuits allow the power bank to rapidly cool itself and ensure an uninterrupted power supply"
Improvements:
We highlighted the advantages of the product with a clear heading and rewrote the remainder of the sentence more naturally, free of awkward and repeated words.
The following are some examples of how we have helped previous clients:
Company Mission Statement
Original
There is just something about lights that recenters us and put everything into memorable.
More futuristic devices which enable our customers to immerse themselves in the light world like never before.
Problems:
Strange wording ("recenters")
Grammatically incorrect ("puts everything into memorable", "in the light world")
Awkward phrasing
These English paragraphs read as if they have simply been translated with a translation app. The language is grammatically incorrect, confusing, and doesn't inspire, or make one interested in the company or its products.
SEVENS
From our ancestors assembling to tell stories around campfires, to the development of electric lights and the neon spectacles that our largest cities become every night, human history is truly one told in light. To celebrate this, we have developed our smart home lighting products, such as the all-new [brand] [product], to offer a one-of-a-kind way to customize and control the lights around your home.
Improvements:
We rewrote the mission statement from scratch, containing an elegant description of the historical basis for our relationship with light, that mirrored their intention from their original Chinese version.
The following are some examples of how we have helped previous clients:
Product Inspiration
Original
To symbolize the dazzling imprint of the highlight moment, witness the precious moment with elegance, and crown the light in the ordinary. This series is dominated by dreamy colors, and at the same time outlines the elegant and moving femininity. [brand] hopes to pass this delicacy and beauty to every girl who loves life.
Problems:
Awkward wording and phrasing ("highlight moment", "crown the light", "outlines the elegant")
This appeared to mostly be a direct app-assisted translation. As such, it includes lots of the same words and concepts as the Chinese version, yet as a whole, the message has been lost amid a collection of strange and awkward expressions.
SEVENS
A woman's life is a collection of moments; from first loves to bitter heartbreaks, new opportunities to the start of new life. It is the moments that a woman most values that define who she is and what she wants from her life. Our [product line] collection gives every woman a crown with which she can commemorate all the most cherished moments of her life.
Improvements:
We took the idea of "precious moments" and completely rewrote the passage, with an eloquent and inspiring message that any woman can relate to.
The following are some examples of how we have helped previous clients:
Product Inspiration
Original
Heat dissipation -- unique sandwich heat dissipation module, multi-layer circuit design and modular heat dissipation design, to achieve rapid internal heat dissipation and ensure continuous power output
Problems:
Unclear heading
Capitalization ("unique")
Awkward word ("sandwich")
Repeated words ("dissipation" x4)
Awkward phrasing
SEVENS
Superior Heat Dissipation
Our unique modular heat dissipation design and multi-layered circuits allow the power bank to rapidly cool itself and ensure an uninterrupted power supply"
Improvements:
We highlighted the advantages of the product with a clear heading and rewrote the remainder of the sentence more naturally, free of awkward and repeated words.
The following are some examples of how we have helped previous clients:
Company Mission Statement
Original
There is just something about lights that recenters us and put everything into memorable.
More futuristic devices which enable our customers to immerse themselves in the light world like never before.
Problems:
Strange wording ("recenters")
Grammatically incorrect ("puts everything into memorable", "in the light world")
Awkward phrasing
These English paragraphs read as if they have simply been translated with a translation app. The language is grammatically incorrect, confusing, and doesn't inspire, or make one interested in the company or its products.
SEVENS
From our ancestors assembling to tell stories around campfires, to the development of electric lights and the neon spectacles that our largest cities become every night, human history is truly one told in light. To celebrate this, we have developed our smart home lighting products, such as the all-new [brand] [product], to offer a one-of-a-kind way to customize and control the lights around your home.
Improvements:
We rewrote the mission statement from scratch, containing an elegant description of the historical basis for our relationship with light, that mirrored their intention from their original Chinese version.